Discussions

What does true depression look like???  What does a call for help sound like???  What do all you self-rightous, self-pitying bitches think you will achieve with this website...because you manage to push away those who don't fit into your breast cancer cliche...you have a link for mothers and for wives, but do you have a link for breastless 20-somethings???  Do you understand the reprecussions of bilatteral mastechtomy in your mid-20's...and a lack of response to posts, a negative response to your expression of anger...we don't fit your site...I don't fit your site...I am so sorry to burden you with my different mold, and my extreem depression...I have tried to reach out, to no avail, and frankly, your picture of a mother with 2 healthy babies is offensive to me, a woman who may never have her own children because of this disease...your site is flawed...and those who need you most are being turned away and forsaken...I am one of those...thanks! 

We are here. And all of us have been or are angry and most of us don't want to lash out at our loved ones or our friends. This disease is depressing all of us. I say why is it that pesticide companies and household chemical companies that toxify us aren't being taken to the cleaners by the hundreds of millions of people affected by breast cancer? How about the plastics that are killing us? This is exactly the forum for you and all women who are trying our best to get by. I say let it all out. Yell, be mad as hell. I have found a new way to vent in my day to day when I just can't stand to hear one more BS story about how life is so hard. I put my hands free headset in my ear as I am driving and just talk as if I am having a heating debate with someone. No one is connected and I know I look pretty enraged to most drivers but you know I feel better when my personal outrage is done. Don't know if this note helped but you might try it.

 Once again i can relate to you and I am not 20 something....I too feel the same way...I have posted many questions and comments here and had no responses what so ever....Then again i have posted and gotten alot of responses...so I don't know what it is. Yes I also feel as though there is a "click" here, kinda like in high school and I am on the outside...No I do not know what it is like to be 20 something with no breasts...I know what it is like to be 50 something with no breasts and no freakin hair!!!! I am none too happy either. I cannot even look in the mirror. But somehow I manage to get through each day, one step at a time. I have no support other then my family, who quite frankly are tired of the cancer card....I have alot of pain in my legs and feet which I have to deal with also. They don't seem to know when or if it will go away.   Maybe you can find a site that is specific to someone with your needs,have you tried? Or maybe you can start a discussion here for that. I don't know, just know that you are really not alone , I would be glad to talk to you one on one, but I am NOT your age and that seems to be what you are looking for. Call ACS they will put you in touch with smeone in your area who is going through this also, ask for someone your age with your cancer type and all. They will do this, they did for me. Good luck Hugs Cathy

You have got to be kidding me. I just went through every post you made since you've been on this site, and although you have been nothing but negative, abusive, and rude, women have still responded to you with kindness. And you call us self-pitying. Women have tried to reach out to you, and all you have done is feel sorry for yourself. I am truly sorry for your situation, but there is nothing I can do to change it. All any of us can do is be here to listen. And everyone has done that, and given you plenty of positive, caring responses. You are looking for someone to blame, but it isn't us.

First of all L-Dizzle let me answer your first question, what does true depression look like? Well honey pick up a mirror and look in it, that's what true deppresion looks like. Secondly I do not appreciate being called a *** by any one, and I also don't appreciate all my ladies being called bitches either. And as far as what a call for help sounds like, well it's not laced with hatred like your post is. You are not wanting help, you are mad at the world and taking it out on us. Yes we incourage women to come here and vent, but we don't like being called bitches, and I for one won't put up with it. I just wish I could write what I really want to, but I will not come down to your level. Do you think you are the first woman who never got to nurse a child? Well if you think that you are sadly mistaken. You should take the time some day to read these ladies stories, they are hurting too. There are some that have been through so much more than you, but they have done it with grace. I guess because some of us are older we don't count, it's OK for us to get breast cancer, hell we don't have than many years left anyway. Well I can tell you one thing lady, and I use that term loosely, every one of the ladies on this breast site, is important to me, and I try to help them, the way they have helped me. You sound like some spoiled brat who always got her way, well sweetheart it doesn't always go that way . You have cancer, just like the rest of us, so deal with it, like all these ladies do. And as for as a lack of responce to your posts, that's crap too, I went back and read some. So you are a schoolteacher, well how do you treat your students, do you treat them good. Is it just women with breast cancer you treat badly and call self rightous bitches! We don't need spoiled little young women on here who only through insults, find another site, better yet find a good shrink, oh I forgot you already did, he says nothing is wrong with you! I could go on and on, but I won't, I won't waste my time with you. Mad, you darn right I am mad, these ladies are fighting for thier lives, and you come on here and call them bitches!!! I think you need to offer an apology to all the ladies on this site for that, they are not bitches, they are ladies who happen to have breast cancer, and they need and ask for advice, just like you did. So by coming on this site and asking for help, does that make you a self rightous *** too??  You need some kind of help, just not sure what kind. You are just not worth my effort, I am just answering you to defend my ladies.

Cajun Lady

 cajun lady

i read your response to this young girl.  I think she said she was 24.  you are right she is filled with so much anger.  i had to close my lap time and say an instant prayer for her.  she truely is in a bad place.  i hope she has family by her side who will evenutally help her find the help she needs.  she really depressed me and my heart broke for her pain.  but you did good maybe that is what she needed a good shake up and no one has done it so far.  i remembe being 24 and cancer was the last thing on my mind -- this is when you are starting your life..  she is very angry with life and i hope for her sake she finds the help she needs.  acceptance is very hard for us that are much olderi can only imagine a child for to me that is exactly how she sounded except she's not playing with dolls, but this is her life.  i will continue to pray she finds the help she needs.  perhaps your note was the start. God bless you for all you do and input you are a blessing to all of us.

FAITH

Thank you Faith, it's just not right to call these ladies what she did. It's OK to be angry, but don't take it out on people who are trying to help you. We have some other young ones who don't treat us like this, they ask for help. This woman maybe needs to talk to a spiritula counselor nothing else seems to be working for her. I hope she gets help soon, otherwise she will never finish her journey intact.

Cajun Lady

Hunny, this cancer sucks! you have every right to be angry beyond belirf.  I am so sorry that you didnt get the support you needed from the girls here. I'm sorry I wasnt here for you. But i am here now.  I cant make things better, but i can tell you that you have every right to be angry.  This has taken so much from you. I do want to tell you, that you are going thru the grieving process. This is just like a loved one died. You have to go thru the process. The anger is good, let it out! yell, scream, cry. What ever you need to do to let the anger out. Keeping it bottled up wont help.  Your depression is real. I suffer from depression too.  It will have you up and down.  Talk to your doctor about maybe an anti-depressant, if you are ok with that.  Some people arent, i will support you, what ever decision you make.  You have taken a huge step by letting your anger out and not stuffing it. I am going for bilateral mastectomy july 30th.  It is tramatic, but hunny, hang in there.  I want to help any way that i can.  But keep letting those feelings out, dont stuff them.  Toghether we can get thru this. 

 How is it that others are told to come to the site to yell, scream, vent, do whatever it is needed for them to work through their emotions and the ladies will be there for them…that is what I have read in various posts. Yet this young lady is being told to go elsewhere and being treated with such negativity, when it’s obvious she is crying out for help, obvious she is dealing with severe depression and in allot of emotional pain.

I too have gone back and read her earlier posts and the same cries were there and yet she is right…because she can only deal with this disease in anger she is being told to go somewhere else? This is an open forum, everyone should be welcome!  Everyone deals with this ugly disease in different ways and with different words.  That’s all they all really are....are words and yet they are being taken personally when all she is trying to do is grab your attention and say HEY I NEED HELP! 

I for one apology to you DLizzle that I wasn’t there for you before!  If there are a set of rules for posting on this forum, I am not aware of them.  If there is a mold or a way we each are suppose to be like I wasn’t aware of that either.  We all are different and we all deal with our circumstances differently. What I thought this site was for is what it states above…

Find Encouragement and Support!!!

As I said, we all deal with different circumstances and are at different ages…I honestly can’t imagine going through this in my 20s.  Can you remember what your 20s were like?  I do and I seriously wouldn’t have dealt with the cancer like I have in my 40s.

I speak only for myself and I am saying that no one should be turned away! If you find someone’s post offensive then don’t take it personally, simply don’t reply to it.  There is always someone out there that will connect with that person and that’s all she is asking for, is someone to connect with to accept her as she is.  To help and encourage her not bombard her with more negativity…she’s already dealing with enough.

None of us know her personal circumstances nor has she really been given a chance to explain because she is still working through her anger.  Yes her anger is misdirected but given a chance and the same kind of encouraging words others have received she could overcome the anger as well as receive the support she so desperately needs.

I mean no disrespect to anyone!  I simply am stating that everyone should be welcomed and given support and encouragement through this awful journey called Cancer.

L-Dizzle,

I am really sorry you are so angry.

I understand your anger becasue I have a daughter 18, I double mast Apri 7th and my mom just died March 6th of cancer age 64. I have braca 2 mutation and now my daughter faces the risk. I am 46 which is much older than you and my kids are 18 and 20 which yes makes a big difference for me but not for my 18 year old daughter.

I am doing reconstruction trying to put my body parts back together and believe me no matter your age that is tough to deal with...

L Dizzie, i too want to say im sorry for not being there for you.  But i am ready to roll up my sleeves and help you thru this.   I just want to tell you, that you are beautiful inside and out.  You are going to have a full life, with lots of love and friends and family.  You are an inspiration to me,  I can face this surgery with my head held high. I am going to beat this....and so are you!!! 

Silent Angel, I and every woman on this site does encourage women to come on here and vent, cry, and be afraid. I do not think it is an invitation to come on here, with all the wonderful, kind and courageous women we have, and call them self rightous, self pitying bitches. I don't care how angry you are at having cancer, we do not deserve that, and I take offence to that. If you go back and read her posts, she was welcomed and a lot of women tried to help her. I have been on this site nearly 10 months, I have never seen one woman pushed away for any reason, someone always extends a helping hand. No one ever told her she didn't fit in on this site, no one on this site would ever intentionally hurt anyone else. She calls this a favored site, I call it a compassionate one. I know she is angry, but she needs the kind of help we can't give her, we certainly tried. I have seen replies from ladies who answer a post and can't help, because they didn't know, but they at least welcomed the person who posted. Why don't you send her a message on her page, and you and her can talk privately and see if she talks to you. I know you feel very sorry for her, so maybe you can help her while all of us can't. She needs someone, I think it maybe could be you. Give it a try hun and let us know how you make out.

Cajun Lady 

Perhaps my posted words weren’t understood.  I do not feel sorry for LDizzle, however yes I am sorry that I didn’t reach out before now.  I am sorry for her circumstances and yes I am sorry that she has to deal with such an ugly disease at such a young age, however in my own opinion there is a definite difference between that and feeling sorry for her. Nor did I say I condone her words, quite the opposite, I said that she has misdirected her anger.  My point to my post was that instead of taking her words personally and adding more negativity to an already volatile situation, we should be offering encouragement and support perhaps guiding her towards the help and assistance she needs.  We are not all always going to agree and have the same opinions.  I do not for one minute believe that I have the potential to help her or anyone else for that matter anymore or any better than any of the ladies here on the site.  Yes I am more than willing to be there for her if she so chooses! Some people take longer to overcome their anger and in this case it’s obvious she is having a hard time doing so as she has posted angry comments before.  However, as I said it’s an open forum and no one should feel left out or feeling like they are standing on the outside looking in.  Again, I meant you or anyone else for that matter any disrespect.  I was speaking for myself and stating my own opinion. 

As I read this thread tears fill my eyes.  How very sad that someone holds so much pain in their heart.  Yes I agree that the anger is misdirected, but I strongly beleive we all must just let it go.  Why waste are time on this kind of anger.  We have to focus are anger at the real enamy Breast Cancer.  Come on girls rise above!

 Yes, we tell people to come on here to yell, scream, vent, whatever. AT THE CANCER!! Anger is one thing, but rude, abusive, vulgar behavior is another. None of us deserve that kind of attack. Don't take it personal? It is personal. If it was a one time thing, anger getting a little out of control, I can see it. But it is continuous. However angry you are, there is no need to attack people in such an abusive manner. And if you aren't aware of the rules of the site, read them. They do exist. The following is a paragraph from those rules:

Do not:

What she says is abusive, harassing, vulgar and obscene, There were plenty of people who responded to her posts with caring and concern. She just refused to accept it. Let me tell you of a few of her responses to people who were trying to help her, and her responses to people who were posting looking for their own help:

On 10/18/08:

"You are a piteous, pathetic sack of ****"

She also actually told somebody f.u., to stop feeling sorry for themselves because they were old enough to have the chance/choice to have children. f.u.? Yeah, I would say that falls in the category of abusive, vulgar and obscene.

"You need vicadin...you***"

On March 27, she called someone shallow and ridiculous.

On June 22, she said she hates the site, and we are all self-righteous, self-pitying bitches.

Well, we are all fighting the same fight, and are willing to help. But there is absolutely no need to treat us in such a hateful manner, when all we want to do is help.