Discussions

 so now chemo, sugery, test all that is now behind some of us.  I was reading some of your feelings on reaching this.  I find myself very sad almost like the joy is gone from me.  I don't cry, but not much makes me happy.  First I had to deal with bilateral mast. (still have my moments).  Then for the moment when I make peace with that (I could not have expanders -- I literally mentally lost it and becamd depressed) then you start to think "what if it comes back".  This is a terrible way to live, and I am trying everything to help; myself.  I see a regular counselor and a Christain counselor.  I am a Christian and have decided to cling to my Heavenly father asking Him each and every day for "Peace of the mind" for I know He can do this.  My husband feels that I should be happy I have drastically reduced my chances of a reoccurence, but he does not walk in my shoes.  I keep busy with Physical Theraphy and myofasial massages to help with the stretching of the chest wall (very tight feeling). I used to love to read and can no longer do that.  There is nothing on TV other than the Christain channels which I look forward to each and every day.  I would not say I am depressed enough to require medication (I also do not do well with anti depress. meds).  However, I do take med for anxiety every day.  So for those I read on you are not going crazy, I guess we have to learn to live with this experience.  I pray for each and everyone of us.  That we somehow find that peace that surpasses all understanding.  May God's ever presence be there for us during this phase.  Much blessings, and I hope to hear from some of you because this is how we help one another.

Faith aka Betsy

Hi Betsy, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Cancer changes our lives, no matter what anyone says. I had 4 chemos, a bilateral mast, two more chemos. Now they tell me I should have some rads. Does it ever end, does the fear ever get out of your head, I don't think so. I will probably go with the rads, it brings down your reoccurance rate to 10%. I want to believe that, but it's sometimes hard. Most of my days are good, but some are not. Now I am losing a cousin to brain cancer, she fought a good fight, did everything she was told, and she is still losing her battle. Of course that's a different kind of cancer than we had. All you can do is take it day by day and hope God carries you through. We can't be going through all for nothing, I think we all are holding our breaths. I know several women who has gone what we have and are still here years later. I haven't went through reconstruction, I just have to give my body a break, don't know if I ever will. You take care hun, and keep leaning on the Lord, he's our hope. I will keep you in my prayers.It's OK to be sad some days, but you need to figure out how to have some good days.

Cajun Lady

Betsy, I think I understand a bit of your pain.  I am now almost 2 years post "you have cancer".  What got me through it and allowed me to keep a sense of humor (laughter has got to be the best medicine out there)...it is ENDORPHINES, a.k.a aerobic exercise and strength  building.  Talk about empowering and having some control. As you do, I have a loving and supportive husband.  I focus on my wonderful life ahead of me and although I have always cherished every day of my life, I cherish it a little more now.  So be it if I have a recurrence, I have had one heck of a ride and I plan to continue until my last breath.  Geri  P.S. Listen to "This Love Will Carry" by Solas :-)   www.rhapsody.com/solas/another-day (click on song #10, This Love Will Carry. Hugs...

 I am just starting this journey,have had bilateral mastectomies, 3 doses of chemo so far, and I am mostly a happy person, When the year ends, I will be the happiest person in the world. I plan to enjoy life to the fullest, and not to worry about things I cannot change. We are all born with a purpose and I truly believe that when the good lord decides to bring us into heaven, we will not be able to change that. That is our ultimate goal in life, to reach a beautiful heaven , be at peace and be rejoined with all our deceased family and friends. I am a nurse, and evertone one of my patients who have died and came back, had wonderful experiences with death.

 I still have some time before it is a year for me, too.  Yet there are days I feel lost.  It almost hits me like a sledgehammer.  What I do look forward to is spending time with my only granddaughter.  She has been a godsend and an angel to me.  When she is with me I feel a sense of peace and tranquility.  I think she is my angel and her presence is a great help for me.  I even gave up smoking cigarettes because she has been after me about it.  It is a difficult road for us yet we must go on and pick up the pieces off the floor and continue going about this life we have.  My father who I went to see on Father's day is in bad shape.  He's in a nursing home.  He has alzheimers and parkinson's disease.  It is sad to see him like this but he is well. 

Keep the faith and continue on with your life is the best thing we can all do for ourselves.

Zena

 Hi Zena. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I know exactly how that is, as my dad had the same thing, Parkinson's and dementia. He passed a couple years ago, but it was very difficult to see him deteriorate from the vibrant, strong man that he was. My prayers are with you.

 Trojangirl,  thanks for the reply.  I am sorry your dad had the same illnesses as my dad and passed away.  I hope he did not suffer at the end.  My dad gets very emotional and starts to weep when we speak to him.  I don't know how much he understands.  He was such a strong man and worked very hard all his life to support 5 children and he never complained.  Seeing him like he is is very hard for me.  He may not even know what is going on but for the rest of us it is a horror.  Anyway, I appreciate your understanding.  Now we must take care of ourselves as best as we can by going through all our tests and procedures.  It may sometimes seem horrible but we must do so to be there for our loved ones.  They would suffer if we didn't at least try to take better care of ourselves.

Thanks for your words.

Zena

 Hi Betsy,

I can totally relate.  After all the procedures I became lost.  Looking in the mirror, I did not see the person I once new.  Then the mood swings!  It was this site that helped me a bunch. Knowing I was not alone. 

But I am really glad you have made it through the journey and now can concentrate on getting better.  And as someone said Laughter is the best medicine.

Blessings,

Crismatic

 Dear all,

I live in the Washington DC area, and I will tell you I think we are all blessed.  When I think of the nine people to got on a metro train and without any warning - gone!  Now that is tragedy.  Each and everyone of us has a chance to say everything we want to say to those we love, still to do things we like or find new things to do and enjoy.  We all have a second chance at life.  Its up to us now to go live it.  Do not let this cansur overtake you -- we all have the victory of being blessed to continue to fight and live.  Of course there are bad days, but keep those in check by finding something that brings you pure joy.  For me it is singing, especially, sacred songs.  I say those extra I love you's and made a pretty good peace with my 24 year old crooked path daughter (who has been my angel and strengh, after really stepping up to the plate with my mom, who passed last December).  Would our relationship improved had I not had BC, maybe in time.  BUT, had I been on Metro yesterday (and I ride the red line), maybe I never would have even had the chance.  So I say appreciate every day, livie every day and thank GOD every day opportunity to do so.  And we don't have to wait for the year -- start now!

Estelle