Discussions

Good heavens! I go away for a little while, and all angels have been rumbleing like the jets from west side story!  There have been some things that have been said.  Many of them hurtful from many women.  We all know which conversation I am talking about, and that conversation will end here and now!!

There will be no more name calling, no more belittleing, no more finger pointing, it all stops now!

We have cancer.  We are all going thru hell. Some handle it differetnly than others.  Some know how to handle their feelings, and some dont.  We need to be big enough to let the doo-doo roll off! We need to go back to supporting one another. I Talked with Bri (my 13 yr old daughter, my life) and she thinks we are all behaving like grade schoolers.  And ya know what? she is right!  The older ones, we need to take the younger ones hands and help lead them thru this maze.  We have to band together to beat this cancer, You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well guess what...IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO BEAT CANCER! 

The slate is now officially wiped clean.  we are all going to start fresh.  If we keep anger flowing thru here, none of us are going to beat this.   Stop and think about the girls that are new, the ones who have just been diagnosed, they need us! And we need them, we need them to remind us how far we have come.

Now, I've had my ovary surgery, I am healing slowly, but i am healing. I go under the knife again on July 30th for my bilateral mastectomy and immediate reconstruction.  the surgery will take 10-12 hrs, followed by 2 days in ICU and then 5 days in a regular hospital room.  My husband is scared to death, i have never ever seen him like this. Its like an alien has taken over his body, he is a mother hen...lol (sectretly i love that part, hes sweet, but shhhh dont tell him i said that)   :o)        Bri will be going to california for 3 weeks with her bff and her granny. So I am going to need my girls.  I have never been away from her this long ever.  Now, lets all kiss and make up!

Patty, I never thought I would see the day that you would come on this site and chastise the women who has given you so much love and respect, and have helped you go through so much turmoil that you have endured lately. You came on asking for their help, we all gave you questions to ask your doctors, we stuck together as a group who always helps each other. And you turn around and try to make us feel guility because some 26 year old woman is angry at the whole world and we can't help her. I spent 2 hours today going over her posts and comments to the women who was trying to help her. She treated them like dogs, cussed them out. One woman asked what kind of pain pills she needed, she called her a sack of s##t. It deplorable the way she talked to these poor women. Some of our ladies who truly want help, who are on the edge of nervous breakdowns, come on for help, and she calls them self-piting bitches. You are OK with that? You get on us, who help each other, then go write her a note telling her not to leave? Have you read all of her posts, they are nothing but hate. We have some on here who are younger than her, they are not lashing out at these women who are trying to help them. Yes you are incouraged to come on here and vent, but venting and calling a lot of good women bitches is just not right. These ladies don't deserve that, they are not bitches, they are ill and looking for any little thing to help them get through another day. You have really shocked me that you turned your back on all the women who have helped you to defend one mean, visious, vulgar women. It really saddens me you went that route. I really expected more from you. I thought you would stand up for our ladies who are going through as much or more than this woman. According to you we are all wrong and she is right, it's OK to call these good women bitches, how sad Patty, how very vey sad. If you feel better apoligizing to hergo ahead but don't appologize for me, I meant every word I said. It's left me with a sickening feeling that you can condone this bad behavior. Putting your foot down will not stop me from defending my ladies, they are suffering enough, they can't handle being called bitches, because for the simple reason they are not bitches. I really hope they forgive you Patty I really do.

Cajun Lady 

So what you are saying is that its okay for someone to come on here and call us all kinds of bitches, not just once, but several times, say f u to someone, and many more vulgar things, and that's okay, but we are wrong for sticking up for the women who are on here trying to help? I don't think so. I have been, and will continue to be, on here to help those that want it, but that doesn't mean that I have to tolerate that kind of name-calling and vulgarity from anyone, and I won't. You are welcome to speak your mind, just as we all are, but there are rules, and she blatantly violated them. And don't ever apologize for me when I'm sticking up for what is right and decent. You do not speak for me, and I will continue to speak my mind when someone treats the women on here in that manner.

You misunderstand me! What I am trying to get across is that it breaks my heart. I come back and there is so much turmoil.  It breaks my heart that this has happened, since we have our plates overflowing with the wonderul ever giving cancer.  I guess i worded things wrong.  What i was trying to say is this.......

There were hurtful things said. Lets put those away and move on. Lets quit focusing on those hurtful words and get back to fighting the real fight, not each other but cancer.  I am accusing no one. I am scolding no one. I am blaming no one. I am however asking that this argument end so we can focus on each other again.  You should know me well enough to know that i am not a hurtful person.  I love the girls here. I cherish the friendships i have made here.  I simply want the hurt to stop.  I want us all to go back to the way things were. This is a sanctuary from this hellish storm.  I just want us to take the focus off of those hurtful words, and focus once again on whats important, helping each other beat this blasted cancer!

 Patty62,

Hats off to this post and hopefully every member of this site will take your words of wisdom into consideration.

Although this is only my 2nd post - I am not unfamiliar with this site.  I have spent hours reading the post here and have benefited from most of them.  I have followed the post that patty62 is referring to and up until today did not feel compelled to add my thoughts.

patty62 was merely asking the members of this site to put this situation aside and to continue offering support to the members reaching out for comfort and encouragement.

I am appalled by the disrespect that "Cajun Lady" and "Trogangirl" have shown patty62.  It is these two members who have chosen not to let this situation or topic go.  They once again had to share the details of the situation at this new post where patty62 was hoping to wipe the slate clean. 

It is my priviledge, as a member of this site, to respond to any of the post listed here.  I do not have to ask permission from any one person before posting - meaning....

Cajun Lady - I am not one of your girls.  I am an individual with breast cancer as are the majority of all the members here.  I have my own opinions and can share my own experience.  My opinions and experiences differ from yours as do many of the other members at this site.  You become irrate and defensive when members disagree with you.  Why do you feel that your opinion is the right opinion?  Why do you feel that every member here must agree with you? 

Sorry Cajun Lady but I don't always agree with you and I am not one of your girls.  So please in the future, when you are responding to posts, write your opinion but don't include "your girls" in the posts.  We are all capable of speaking for ourselves when and if we choose to do so. 

I applaude your post patty62.  Thank you for posting it.

ethel gean

 Patty, I certainly respect you for putting the cards straight on the table. You know what, Cajun Lady and Trojangirl?? I've been called a *** and worse before. So what?? We all say and do things we regret later. I've put my foot in my mouth more than once. How on earth can you call a 26 year old vicious and worse?? She is crying out in pain and anger. You should be grown up enough to take it with a grain of salt.  We are supposed to be in this together. And anyone is free to speak their mind as they see fit and should not feel intimidated by two individuals.  I don't look for a confrontation or seek one out. But when I see someone being unjustly hammered, then be sure that I will step in. I have always been one for the underdog. I don't seek approval or a pat on the back. I was recommended to this board by a friend. But we all need to take a step backward and look at ourselves. You know the old saying "United we stand: divided we fall"  So we need to unite, not to fight one another or get our feelings hurt over petty things, but to fight our common enemy: CANCER.  None of us are well and gung-ho or we wouldn't be on this board.  So let's get our act together.

 hey ladies,

this is faith and first of all I want thank you all for this place where I ca come and have something in common as there are no support group here in Pensacola in my age range and specifically for breast cancer.  Cajun Lady has given me good sounding advise as well as your child and many others which I can't name.  while I agree that young lady was wrong with how she spoke and no one has to put up with that it's taken us away from what is important.  We have something that has bonded us and let's not lose sight of that.  That young lady is in desperate need of serious professional help, which no one here can give her without putting up with her insults.  I'd like to stay on and continue to read as well as share.  I am not handling this well and will be seeking antidepressants.  I've tried two already and they make me really sick.  Monday I will see my primary care dr. and see what else we can try.  Has anyone tried lexapro?  I heard you take it at night before going to sleep so the effects are less during the day.  I also started Monday with tamxofin 10 mg.  I prayed over that pill since I had heard so many negative things with the severe side effects.  I priase the Lord so far aside from minor flashes it's going well.  And so my friends, let's move forward and continue to support one another -- I have no one else to go too.  God bless you all!

 And Trojangirl.... your expectations from others on this site confuse me.

In one sentence you state that it is permissable to rant, rave, and vent.  In the next sentence you are angry for that same ranting, raving, and venting.  Both you and Cajun Lady are upset for the name calling and it is the two of you who turn around and call members names. 

What are the rules here?  Are you positive that you are following all the rules properly?

ethel gean

 I've been off this site for a while, I check in once in awhile to see if I can help a new victim to this ugly disease.  The only thing I can say is that this young lady Ldizzle is having a hard time, and yes we all had our own demons too.  But to the older ladies like myself, the only thing I can say is think how your daughter might react if she just found out she developed breast cancer, they are young, they speak before they act.  My daughter who is 20 has plenty of times said hurtful words that she didn't mean in the heat of the moment.  Please give this young girl another chance, yes her words were hurtful but we don't know what kind of support group she has at home maybe we are the only ones left, and she's anger cause people are pulling away from her especially her friends cause they don't want to deal with her ugly disease.

Please open up your heart again, like Jesus has done for us so many times before.  Remember if someone slaps you on the cheek, turn the other cheek.

I care for you all and hope we all conquer this disease!

Your Sis

Suzy

 Well my therapist recommended that I find a chat room in regards to cancer since I don't want to do a support group. These postings have totally turned me off to that idea. Thanks.

This person was here about one year ago.  Similar posts that eventually got people at this forum fighting amongst themselves.  As that was going on, this person sat back and watched, did not post. Then, just like now, reappeared and stated that no one cared about her, blah, blah, blah and "I am leaving this forum forever....goodbye."  Well, guess what.  After a hiatus, mostly new people here who don't know her/him and here we go again.  This person is either seriously psychotic or just a weirdo.  Yes, you can be psychotic and along comes breast cancer into your life.  No one here can help this person.  Even if she is for real and has breast cancer, the behavior is not rationale and beyond the scope of this site. Just my thoughts.  I sure hope it can finally go away as it did last year.   Geri

 Well, I am fairly new here, so I don't know what to say. It sounds like some type of mental illness, possibly, or a personality disorder of some sort. I guess I tend to be a bit too soft-hearted at times. I admit that. I guess I tend to be reluctant to just brush someone off and tell them to hit the skids.  But it can be counter-productive to the board if it begins start disputes among the members. Maybe we need a concensus on what action, if any, we can take that will help new members without causing squabbles. But one big thing, to me, at least, is not taking someone's venting personally and allowing it to hurt us. I know it is difficult. Sometimes we seem to be more sensitive or touchy than at other times. People, particularly the young ones have a very hard time coming to a state of acceptance. They have a lot of anger, the "why me?" thing and in their anger they lash out at everyone. Basically, I think we are all good people here. I don't dislike anyone and I hope you all don't dislike me. I can be abrasive at times, but I have a pure heart. Let's all work together and pull together, ok?? Thanks for patiently tolerating me.  LOL

 Hi patty and welcome back,

i feel like you, i stayed gone for a moment and come back and see what in the world is going on here? i completley understand your point, and the point that others are making too. i posted to her comments she made toward some of us ladies and gave to her my thoughts and opinons too, i did not cuss her out because where will it get me? it's not my type of hype ya know? later i reread my post and turned around and apploigized for any disrespect i may have shown, i am the type of person that will admit when i am in the wrong i confront it, and i know just the other day she made another post and i wrote her hoping she will open up to some of us, i agree with some of your input, and ya know we don't always know what each other go through dealing with cancer its a hard battle on its own and some of us of a harder times than others, maybe her vulgar language was her way of crying out for some one to help her to be there for her, we don't know what she is going through wqe don't live there with her, no it does not make it right to be called names like  she called us, but ladies really, are we going to let these words get the best of us? and if so cancer to me is alot worse than someone calling me a ***, and if i am going to get so upset at that and let invade on me than i might as well let this cancer have its way with me too, its litte and pittley to keep going on about it, and we need to try and just move on with our lifes, there are so much more important things to render here ,

one more thing before i go, sorry this is a long story but i just want to get my view across here, can we all take a moment of silence for an angel in heaven, Farrah Facette, i'm hoping some of you saw her documentray and follwed what she went through here, i know i'm young but i remember her alot, and want to say she is my icon, she never once let anything get to her as much as we have allowed someone here get to us, she put up a serious fight and i feel she made victory, not failur, she gives me hope, strength, and positiveity, so lets just take a moment and refelct what it is we are really trying to fight for here? and lets all try and put this childish act behind us and move to much better positive out looks, i know i am, i have so much more to look forward too and just for some of ya's info......and i'm hoping i'll get some of you to lol, i am known in my house as the HBIC!.........wich means, HEAD B***H IN CHARGE!

blessings to all of you,

lisa

 May God touch all of our hearts and let the healing begin.  I know that several ladies come to this site just to help ladies with the fear.  Each of us connects with different people because of our life experiences.  That is good more ladies get help.  This needs to stop because we are turning ladies off like frankview.  From these postings she has decided this site is not for her.  If she does not come back, I sure pray that she finds another site.  We all know how not feeling along really helped us.  I do not think what happened was good, but I do think this needs to stop.  We have expressed our opinions and move on.  Like my Mom always told me two wrongs never make a right.  And as I got older I told her I do not know why not because two negatives make a positive. lol

I love you ladies.  Wish we could all meet and get to know each other better.  I have heard about Patty62 and prayed for her, but not gotten to know her yet. 

May everyone have a wonderful 4th of July.  And if you go out to see fireworks look up into the sky and imagine you are seeing buy one of your friends from this site and enjoying the beauty.

May God hold all of you close in His arms and shelter you from Satan.

His Child