July 2009 - Janelle's Blog

Larry King, an icon of talk show hosts, has interviewed the world's most influential people for over half a century. Actor Paul Newman once told Larry King that when he arrived in a city halfway around the world, he would turn on the hotel TV so he could see Larry King Live. That was his connection to America, to home.

That is why I was surprised when the server seated me at an adjoining table to Larry King, even though I wasn't in his party.

You know from my blog last week that I am still recovering from my lost culinary skills, known as BCS (Burned Chicken Syndrome). Please click here to read all about it. When you can bare your chicken breasts to the world, you know you are open to share your inner most thoughts unashamedly.

Neal and I don't mention the chicken episode anymore. He finds he gets better meals if we bury the bones of this fiasco. I am trying to take my mind off the trauma, so as I de-stress at the end of the day, I usually like to read in bed for a few minutes.

Tonight I want to keep it light-hearted, so I pick up my Williams-Sonoma catalogue. I'm thumbing through it, thinking about all of the wonderful foods I can prepare, when there on page 28--not one, but two whole chickens are perched on the vertical chicken roasters like the one I demolished.

Here is the caption: 

Cannot go wrong. "I have used this item twice on my outdoor gas grill. My chicken came out moist each time. A great cookware item to have." –Stafford, VA.

I'd like to hunt that woman down. Perhaps I seem a bit touchy about the situation.

These chickens are glaring at me with their headless bodies like they are daring me to cook them. I am taking the challenge and buying a chicken cookbook. I'm going to bake, shake, sauté, steam, broil, and char until chickens run to their hen houses for refuge when they see me coming.

A sweltering 100+ degree day in July was not the time for our newly installed home air conditioner to register 80 degrees. During the four hour ordeal that the electrician worked on it, my husband, Neal, and I escaped outside to sit in the shade of the patio while grilling a whole chicken. Yes, you are looking at the result of my attempt at gourmet cooking on the grill.

This organic chicken was a fine specimen of chickenhood. In fact, its feet probably never touched the ground. I hand massaged it with chili rub seasoning and mounted it on a metal stand with its wings tucked behind it and its feet shifted forward to hold it in an upright position.

I have read cookbooks, watched online videos of cooking, and bought gadgets galore, even a digital remote thermometer. Yet, sometimes you can't see the chicken for the feathers. I concentrated so much on seasoning and preparing the chicken, that I forgot to place a pan under the holder that had holes in the bottom. So, as soon as it started to drip on the grill, the bird went up in flames.

Neal said, "I smell something burning," which was the melting of the digital thermometer cord. I lifted the grill lid, and there you have it, the most burned chicken known to man.